Stacey Stone “Six Tips to Make Your Morning Show Marriage Work”

The joke is, when someone finds out that I am in broadcasting and psychology, “Well, I‘m sure you use both each day” implying that people in radio are a little off. (They forget that I just said I am in broadcasting) But they are right, I do see things through both lenses each day and at times one can help the other.

Too many times to count the phrase “morning radio is just like a forced marriage” has been used to describe the close relationship between a host and co-host if they are male and female. For the ones of us that have been blessed to work in morning radio, that description can be used positively or can be an irritant but that doesn’t take away the fact that two people who spend hours together in the same room may need to work on their relationship.

When I am working with couples in counseling, I often recommend the research of Dr. John Gottman, PhD. His book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, provides detailed tools to help build a stronger marriage (or in this case, a stronger morning show.) He promises that “your future together can be bright even if your disagreement tends to be very negative. The key is learning the right kind of damage control.” (Gottman, p. 175) The following tips for damage control are from his research and my direct work counseling couples.

1. Tone, pitch and volume of your voice can make all the difference in the world. If you find yourself talking to your morning show counterpart harshly, you need to look inward and decide why you think it is okay to speak that way. A repair attempt may be necessary using “I” statements, describing not judging, and starting all over again with a kinder tone, lower pitch and minimum volume.
2. Use a soft start-up. You can begin a hard conversation by owning your part of the conflict and not blaming your on-air partner. “I know this is not your fault…” and “One thing I admire about you…” are great ways to begin a discussion that you want to have a positive ending.
3. Learn to soothe yourself. If you have alarms going off in your head that conflict is coming or feel that you are not being heard, you may be flooded and need soothing. (Learning to soothe yourself is a great tool to teach your children also.) Maybe it is taking a deep breath or spending a moment in prayer, but you can find the right soothing tool for you. Also, it may be surprising to find out that research proves that it is harder for a man’s body to calm down after an argument. It takes 20 minutes of reset to bring your heart rate, breathing and tense muscles back to neutral. I’ll just leave that there.
4. One of the favorite statements that I have learned from Al-Anon is “there is no fight that my mouth cannot make worse.” Now may be the time to defuse the situation by not reacting to or speaking to your morning show partner the way that you want to or sometimes not saying what you are thinking. Leading with your emotions may make for good breaks sometimes but thinking and praying first help in interpersonal communications.
5. You are not only dealing with the emotional injuries that have occurred in your working relationship but a lifetime full of hurt. My hope is that you would speak to a counselor about why you are feeling (and reacting) the way you are to your coworker’s words and actions. But sometimes just the realization that we are all complex and the response you are getting may come from family scars from way back when is helpful.
6. Make the predecision that your studio is holy and should be treated as such. This is where we speak directly to the conflict and working environment in a Christian radio studio. Long ago, Johnny and I decided that intense discussions were to be kept outside of our studio or end quickly so the show could go on. Does that mean we agree on everything during a show? No, but we know that after the show we can sit down together, side-by-side, put the problem out in front of us and work it out.

Please do not kid yourself and think that your listeners cannot hear the tension between you. They have their own internal alarm that tells them that two people are not getting along and you do not want to set that off. The end result of their intuition kicking in will be changing the radio station until they find one that does not have the conflict.

All of these tools were created to help married folks but can certainly be applied to morning shows. Jesus taught that a true power and greatness comes from serving others and that includes your on-air partner.

Stacey Stone serves God by loving her husband, Johnny Stone, her family and friends, along with her little dogs and her listeners on WGTS 91.9, Washington DC. In addition to her 26 years in broadcasting, she is a licensed professional counselor with a private practice in Maryland, a public speaker, and the author of The Rescued Breed: When Jesus Shows Up And Transforms Your Pack. She can be reached HERE.