Tim McDermott “How To Care When You’re Not Good at Caring”

I have worked with some amazing people in my life.  People I would put on the Mount Rushmore for Caring.  Jon Hull, Susan O’Donnell, and my administrative assistant Kathy McClanahan.  Kathy was simply amazing at showing she cared.  If someone had a need, she was there – in a BIG way. She would find out what they needed, find it or make it and then deliver it to them at any time of the day or night – often at a great sacrifice – although she wouldn’t say that.  She did it all in a very humble way.  I jokingly told her that working around her made me feel like I wasn’t a Christian.  She showed incredible love and care. 

As for me, well, honestly, I am not good at it.

You may be a Kathy or Jon or Susan – and if you are – great.   But what if you’re wired like me and it doesn’t come natural to you.  I know we care, and we can hit the caring button on social media, but how can we show it to our staff?

Here are some lessons I have learned.

1- Your presence is often enough. Don’t think that you have to say the right words or do the right thing when someone has a serious issue. Simply showing up in that moment is powerful. In fact, sometimes saying less is more. Just be there.  Years ago, one of my staff members and his wife gave birth to a baby with serious issues.  When I heard about it, I immediately went to the hospital.  I didn’t know what to say or do when I got there.  Unlike Kathy, I didn’t think about buying or bringing anything.  I went just to be there.  I can’t tell you how much it meant to them – and not just in that moment but also for many years later.  It was a moment they didn’t forget. (Good news, that baby has grown up to be a beautiful, healthy young lady.)

2- When you answer questions from employees, be careful not just to answer the question but to take the time to hear what they’re really asking. The question they are saying may not be the real question they are asking.  This may mean asking a clarifying question to understand the real issue.  If in those moments you can connect emotionally with them, then the answer you give will not be as important as the fact you were able to connect with them.  Sometimes before you answer, it’s as simple as just pausing before you respond, so they know they were heard.  

3- Hire a great assistant like a Kathy to help you. It really is true that your administrative assistant can really add (or hurt) your staff’s perception of who you are. When you hire someone, don’t just look at skills, but also look for someone who has high emotional intelligence and can help you care for your team.  You and your assistant reflect your position so find someone that adds to who you are.

4- Ask questions about them without bringing it back to you.  I was part of a group exercise one time when the leader had us all try to talk to someone and only ask them questions about them without also sharing things about us.  It was really challenging.  Try it sometime. It’s easy to talk about us, but the win for caring is keeping the focus on them.

These are just a few things I have learned.  The more I practice the above, the more people feel care.  People are more important than projects.   This week, think of one thing you can do to let your team know you care. 

Tim McDermott is the CFO for Far East Broadcasting Company.  He has over 40 years of broadcast leadership experience and can be reached at tmcdermott@FEBC.org