Tami Rumfelt “When You Just Can’t”

It wasn’t the outcome any of us were praying for.

A few weeks ago, a little boy, just 4 years old, still a baby in many ways, went missing from his river-side home in the small town of Siletz, Oregon. It’s a town on the fringe of our listening area. One minute he was playing in the family’s yard, and the next minute, he was…gone.

People from all over Oregon, and beyond even, poured in to help first-responders with their search efforts. On air, we prayed  that he would be found safe, and that God would comfort his parents, because, can you even imagine?

And then, 11 days after he went missing, a volunteer search and rescue diver confirmed everyone’s worst fears about the fate of the little boy who went missing from his family’s river-side home.

I was on the air when the news broke. I found out when a headline popped up on my Facebook feed with a link to the breaking story.

And, I just couldn’t.

I couldn’t read the article. I could barely breathe. My stomach churned. I had to think about something else, anything else, because I knew if I allowed my mind to go there, I would fall apart. And, I most definitely could not talk about it on air.

I don’t have a problem sharing deep emotions on air. Lord knows, many of the tears I have shed over the years have been in front of a microphone. But, this was different. Because, I have some deeply personal hurt in my not-too-distant past that involves a little boy close in age to this child. This was more than being uncomfortable with emotions, or not knowing how to sensitively and empathetically share this gut-wrenching news with our listeners.

This was, for me, about protecting myself from unraveling.

This was also a missed opportunity to connect with and even minister to our community. This was an opening to have a shared moment with our listeners – who really deserved to hear this news from a trusted, caring friend with whom they spend time every afternoon.

But, I just couldn’t.

In hindsight, I’ve realized my mistake. My error wasn’t protecting myself, or setting boundaries about just how far I’m ready to dig into my own trauma to connect with our listeners.

My failure was in not asking for help.

I wasn’t ready to be vulnerable about this in front of an open mic, but I certainly could have been vulnerable about it with a trusted co-worker. I could have easily walked down the hall and said to my GM,  “Hey, I can’t do this alone. I’m not sure if I can do it at all. Can you help me out?” He gladly would have. And, I think he would have respected me more, not less, for seeking his assistance.

Here are my two takeaways:

1- It’s not just OK, it’s necessary to set boundaries about which parts of yourself you are willing to share on air…and everywhere else for that matter. You are not required to destroy yourself  for the sake of a powerful break.

2- It’s OK and necessary to ask for help, and to get over the idea that doing so somehow diminishes your credibility. I’m guessing other women, particularly those in leadership roles, understand the extra pressure (much of it self-inflicted) to appear confident, competent, and collected at all times. We each need to do our part to foster a culture at work that values vulnerability. That starts with a willingness to be vulnerable.

Bottom line, when people feel safe to say, “I can’t do this,” the door opens wide for communication, collaboration, and growth.

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Tami Rumfelt is the Program Director and Afternoon Host at KHPE in Oregon’s Willamette Valley. She’s also a freelance fundraising host. She can be reached at tami.rumfelt@extramilemedia.net.